Justin Washington's Blog

“Game of Groans”: The Sweaty Third-World Politics of the Bikram Yoga Wars

January 30, 2016
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A few days ago in a Los Angeles Superior Court, the doe-eyed yet formidable former in-house counsel to the eponymous Bikram Yoga Empire emerged victorious in her 20-count lawsuit against the hot and sweaty guru. Among other accusations, the British-educated lawyer and plaintiff, Ms. Jafa-Bodden had alleged sexual harassment and wrongful termination by Bikram after she refused to backdown from investigating accusations by a number of teacher trainees of sexual improprieties and even rape by Bikram himself.

Much to the relief of the grateful jury and Ms. Jafa-Bodden no doubt, the diminutive Indian satyr appeared in court in a suit rather than his trademark speedo and without the man-bun on top of his balding pate. With his long wiry black and gray hair drifting behind him like so much sulphur smoke in his wake, he was flanked by his corpulent defense counsel Tweedle-Dee and Tweedle-Dum, who visually bookended the very thin volume of substance by the name of Bikram Choudry.

Carla Minnard, one of Ms. Jafa-Bodden’s attorneys, appeared like Cindy Brady from “The Brady Bunch” who had grown up and traded in her pigtails for boxing gloves; she barely broke a sweat in the ring with both of Bikram’s clearly out-classed attorneys. Meanwhile, during the punitive damages phase of the trial, Mr. Quigley, Ms. Jafa-Bodden’s other attorney, wryly questioned the Slum Dog Millionaire — who claimed to be destitute — about his garage full of cars, the exact number of which was not clear, but somewhere in the neighborhood of 40-50 — all Rolls Royces, Bentleys and Ferraris. Regardless, Bikram’s collection could put Jay Leno’s collection of vintage autos to shame. When pressed further by Mr. Quigley about the cars, Bikram claimed that he no longer was the legal owner of the vehicles since he had a “verbal agreement” with Governor of California Jerry “Moonbeam” Brown to donate the cars to a children’s museum to which assertion a few of the jurists nearly exploded for want of laughing out loud.

Among other highlights from the two week trial, there was: testimony from former Obama White House counsel who testified that working at Bikram’s Yoga College of India was like working in a “horror show”; testimony from former outside counsel who testified that it was UNUSUAL to have a meeting with Bikram and NOT hear him verbally assaulting and denigrating female employees; and, of course, the humor derived from listening to Bikram’s attorneys attempting to create their own Perry Mason trial moments by telling the jury: that “there are two-sides to every pancake”; that Ms. Jafa-Bodden’s case is like “fluffy popcorn with only a kernel of truth”; and lastly, that the case had some allusion to a donkey’s nether regions in a reality television show.

Rumor has it that two of Bikram’s illustrious admirers, Bill Cosby and Bill Clinton, were nervously glued to the outcome of the trial while Ms. Bikram Choudry, Hillary Clinton and Huma Abedin Weiner are planning a support group for spousal enablers of misunderstood serial molesters.


Game of Throne: The DNC Debates

December 21, 2015
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There was a mysterious interruption in the DNC debates on Saturday, December 19, when Hillary Clinton did not return in a timely manner from the euphemistic Throne Room.  Reporters speculated that Hillary, Bill and Caitlin Jenner were having a proverbial pissing contest on a Bernie Sanders’ urinal  target.

The delay, however, was actually due to a group of college students who were emotionally agitated that their safe spot had been usurped by the candidates’ port-a-potty, and they were further aggrieved at having been microaggressed by the candidates’ hostile tone of voice and aggressive debate tactics.

Hillary became visibly annoyed after Sanders emerged victorious from the Throne Room to shouts of college students chanting, “Feel the Bern.”  She was further disgusted by the conditions left by Sanders when she discovered her poll numbers had clogged the plumbing.  Sanders responded that his socialist economic plan called for a mandatory tax of the 1% for one communal toilet for the 99%, centrally located in Washington, D.C.

To reduce carbon emissions and gas, one square of toilet paper, recycled from one print-out of the Omnibus spending bill, recently passed by Congress, would be provided for each visit and all reading material would be strictly prohibited to eliminate unnecessarily lengthy visits.

The DNC was later applauded for their handling of the DNC presidential debates by arranging a discreet time on the Saturday before Christmas to minimize attention drawn to the Democratic presidential candidates’ toilet visits.

 

 


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Beirut on the Seine

November 24, 2015
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In the aftermath of the terrorist attacks in Paris on Friday, Nov. 13, it has come to light that Brian Williams was actually on the ground reporting from all the physical attack locations in Paris simultaneously.  Apparently, Mr. Williams — slightly injured in the attacks — interviewed Hillary Clinton, and she stated that the cause of the attacks was a YouTube film.  When asked to identify which film, she said that that information was highly classified and contained on one of her personal file servers which has been temporarily misplaced.

Immediately after the 3 explosions outside the Stade de France where a soccer match between France and Germany was being held, the French team immediately surrendered to the German team where upon the German team felt an overwhelming need to march in a victory parade down the Champs Elysee.

Shortly after the attacks, Socialist President of France Hollande held a press conference and his immediate response was to increase France’s income tax from 95% to 100%; in order to appease the radical terrorists, Hollande has asked for a list of their demands.  The terrorists have 3 demands:  1.  all French cheese will be made from goat and camel milk only; 2.  no more pork sausages and Parisienne jambon will be produced; and 3. for those European Muslims who can’t make the annual pilgrimage to Mecca, the Eiffel Tower will be encased in a large black box to which they can pray.

Not to be outdone, President Obama reacted swiftly by arranging a Beer Summit at the White House with all the heads of the radical Islamic groups around the world during which he promised to bow to every head of state of every Muslim country and arrange for effigies of Republican leaders to be burned in protest.

Finally, as Beirut was once called the “Paris of the Mediterranean,” Paris will now be known as “Beirut on the Seine.”


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Obama’s Gangnam-Style Campaign: Big Bird, Binders & Biden

October 26, 2012
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With less than two weeks left in the blurr of presidential debates and campaign ads and slogans, we are left holding our collective heads like the famous picture, “The Scream.” Obama has certainly taken his bid for reelection in directions hitherto unseen in presidential campaigns in what can only be deemed in the current vernacular — Gangnam-Style: a pulsing, hypnotic beat interspersed with unintelligible words and phrases and flashing psychotropic images.

In the first debate, villianous “Snidley Whiplash” Romney to the Left (Dudley Do-right to the rest) mentioned that he would cut public funding to Corporation for Public Broadcasting, home of “Sesame Street.” The incensed Obama campaign immediately saw a target-rich environment to attack Romney and claimed he would pull the plug on Big Bird.

Big_Bird Pictures, Images and Photos

The “Weekly Standard” ran an article entitled, “Big Bird is Big Business” in which it was reported that, “[i]n 2011 Sesame Workshop took in $46.9 million in licensing income from Sesame Street.” It turns out that Big Bird is part of the 1%! It’s surprising that Obama didn’t demand that Big Bird start paying his fair share!

Big Bird Throwing The Bird Pictures, Images and Photos

Next up, during another debate segment, Mitt Romney stated that when he became governor of Massachusetts, he noticed that there were not many high-level women in state government, so he reached out for help in addressing the issue. The Massachusetts Women’s Political Caucus provided him a “binder” produced in 2002 by the Massachusetts Government Appointments Project in which were names and resumes of potential female candidates for high-level positions.

Smelling more “blood” in the water, Obama’s team of sharks jumped into action deriding Romney for “putting women in binders” — Bill Clinton, then, immediately interrupted demanding to know where this binder was…

binder of women Pictures, Images and Photos

After the US Ambassador to Benghazi, Chris Stevens and three other Americans were killed in a terrorist attack on the anniversary of 09/11 by a band of well-armed and organized terrorists, the Obama Administration spun a tale regarding a cheesy YouTube “movie” that apparently whipped the otherwise calm and collected Islamic terrorists into whirling dervishes that just happened to spin out of control and ended into murder and mayhem.

Instead of bringing the perpetrators to swift justice, the Obama administration blamed the Egyptian American “film-maker” and threw him into jail (where he sits now, scheduled to be released days after the election).  Apparently, the Left is now not only against the 2nd Amendment but also against the 1st Amendment.

Lastly, Obama unleashed his secret weapon — unlocking the attic and releasing Vice President Joe “Crazy Uncle” Biden.  When Biden addressed Chip Woods, the grieving father of fallen Navy Seal Tyrone Woods, Biden asked Mr. Woods, ‘Did your son always have balls the size of cue balls?’

Gangnam-style!


Affordable Campaign Contribution Act: New Cash for Urkel Obama’s Re-Election Campaign

July 3, 2012
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There is yet another “silver lining” of the recent Supreme Court decision to let Obamacare stand; Democrats are now able to and should pass a law stating that all Americans should contribute to Obama’s re-election campaign.  If Americans choose not to contribute, they will simply be taxed — or is the proper term “penalized”?  (Chief Justice Roberts to decide when he returns from vacation in Malta.)

The boon to Obama’s campaign coffers will be immeasurable, benefiting all Americans, of course.   Additional benefits of the Act would be an increase in employment since the US government will need to hire more IRS agents to insure compliance.  Of course, waivers will be issued to labor unions (since they already contribute all their campaign contributions to Democrats already); illegal aliens (since their votes for Democrats are guaranteed);  and the State of Nevada (for the simply reason that Democrat Harry Reid is their senator).

The better news is that the Act can be summarized in far fewer than 2,900 pages!

Nancy Pelosi, however, still insists that Congress will need to pass the bill before we can know what is in it.


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Obamacare: Where All Pigs Are Equal But Some Pigs Get Waivers

July 1, 2012
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Orwell was certainly prescient in “Animal Farm” when he invisioned a futuristic farm wherein the farm animals take over and establish democratic rule; unfortunately, the pigs in charge ultimately determine that while “all animals are equal … some are more equal than others.”

And, hence, we get Obamacare where everyone is taxed as a penalty for not carrying health insurance and also, ironically, where everyone is taxed anyway.  President Barak Urkel Obama pontificated that no one earning less than $250,000 would see a tax increase under his administration, then he and the Democrat controlled Congress and the Senate passed Obamacare under the cover of moral darkness and amid the vicissitudes of political corruption and cronism.  This was NOT a tax, the Democrats assured us — only it turns out that the Supreme Court just recently confirmed otherwise.

The Wall Street Journal’s Chief Economist figured that 75% of the cost of Obamacare will fall squarely on the backs of those making $150,000 or less per year — the last anyone checked $150,000 is less than $250,000 even to those who were taught “new math” at America’s prestigious public schools.

Her Highness Nancy Bela Lugosi Pelosi flying in on her Thai Stick from California’s Sodom By the Bay is now weighing in:  Obamacare is a penalty that falls under the tax code.  The White House Press Secretary spent 5 minutes trying to explain how the penalty is a penalty and not a tax.  Meanwhile, Baghdad Bob is still proclaiming that Iraq is winning the war and the American military is being crushed by Saddam Hussein‘s superior forces.

The mental gymnastics and contortions these people must perform to justify Obamacare would make Hitler’s Minister of Propaganda Goebbel’s blush.  Obamacare is now old enough, however, to begin to smell like rancid milk, and the American people are holding their collective noses.

Obamacare was supposed to be the magic bullet to our health care problems but instead it has caused many to begin dodging the bullet.  The question must be asked:  if Obamacare is so spectacular, why are so many companies and states asking for and getting waivers and exemptions from it?

So far, over 1,200 waivers have been issued, 20% of those to companies in Nazi Pelosi’s district alone, and at least one entire state, Nevada, Senate Majority Leader Dirty Harry Reid‘s state, has been exempted.  Not surprising, of course, Congress is also exempted.  Add labor unions and the various Obama-supporting corporations and you have a veritable menagerie of those who preached how wonderful it would be for all of us — apparently not for them.

Sources:

1.  http://www.humanevents.com/2012/06/30/wsj-chief-economist-75-of-obamacare-costs-will-fall-on-backs-of-those-making-less-than-120k-a-year/

2.    http://thehill.com/blogs/healthwatch/health-reform-implementation/202791-hhs-finalizes-more-than-1200-healthcare-waivers

3.  http://www.commentarymagazine.com/2011/05/18/pelosi-district-gives-20-percent-of-obamacare-waiver/


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ZombieCare: It Lives!

June 28, 2012
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Today, Chief Justice Roberts had the ability to put the stake through the heart of the 3,000 page Obamacare excrement foisted upon us by the likes of Nazi Pelosi, Dirty Harry Reid and Urkel Obamao, and he failed — miserably, so Obamacare pops back up to haunt and terrorize us again.  Joining Sonia “The Wise Latina” Sotomeyor, Elena Kagan and Ruth Buzzie Ginsburg, Chief Justice Roberts wrote the majority opinion that stated that the mandate was really — a tax.  Obama, Pelosi and Reid and their bands of flying monkeys swore up one side and down the other that Obamacare was NOT a tax.  But then again, this administration was supposed to be the most transparent in history, then proceeded to cram a 3,000-page bill without allowing Americans to read and digest it then passed it without one Republican vote while all the while insisting that a mandate was not a tax when in fact it is — not only a tax but the biggest tax increase in the history of the country.  Of course, a huge tax increase is exactly what the country needs to further depress the economy.

At least, Chief Justic Roberts got one thing right and reminded us all of our individual responsibilities and that elections matter:

“[These] decisions are entrusted to our Nation’s elected leaders, who can be thrown out of office if the people disagree with them. It is not our job to protect the people from the consequences of their political choices.”

It’s the US voters who need to drive that final stake into the heart of this monstrosity and the light-in-the-loafers, air-headed, collectivist meddlers who created it.

In the meantime, we have this to look foward to:


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ZombieCare: It Lives!

June 28, 2012
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Today, Chief Justice Roberts had the ability to put the stake through the heart of the 3,000 page Obamacare execrement foisted upon us by the likes of Nazi Pelosi, Dirty Harry Reid and Urkel Obamao, and he failed — miserably, so Obamacare pops back up to haunt and terrorize us again.  Joining Sonya “The Wise Latina” Sotomeyor, Elena Kagan and Ruth Buzzie Ginsburg, Chief Justice Roberts wrote the majority opinion that stated that the mandate was really — a tax.  Obama, Pelosi and Reid and their bands of flying monkeys swore up one side and down the other that Obamacare was NOT a tax.  But then again, this administration was supposed to be the most transparent in history, then proceeded to cram a 3,000-page bill without allowing Americans to read and digest it then passed it without one Republican vote while all the while insisting that a mandate was not a tax when in fact it is — not only a tax but the biggest tax increase in the history of the country.  Of course, a huge tax increase is exactly what the country needs to further depress the economy.

At least, Chief Justic Roberts got one thing right and reminded us all of our individual responsibilities and that elections matter:

“[These] decisions are entrusted to our Nation’s elected leaders, who can be thrown out of office if the people disagree with them. It is not our job to protect the people from the consequences of their political choices.”

 It’s the US voters who need to drive that stake into the heart of this monstrosity.


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Wisconsin: Cheeseheads vs. Knuckleheads

June 7, 2012
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Tuesday, June 5, 2012, Scott Walker survived a recall election instigated by a swarm of angry Democrats and their overlords — organized Union thugs.  Despite the DNC’s dumping millions of dollars into an effort to recall Governor Scott Walker for doing what he promised he would do — that is:  balance the budget — and that paragon of liberal virtue, Bill “Lewinsky” Clinton, pounding the pavement (as it were), Scott Walker prevailed — despite being a Republican in a state known as the People’s Republic of Cheeseheads.

Since then, Barack “Urkel Kardashian” Obama has raised millions of dollars from Hollywood’s intellectual elites; Cher was recently seen propped up in the corner of yesterday’s fundraiser in Los Angeles with the help of several assistants who mistook her lack of breath for breathlessness in the presence of the Telepromtor-in-Chief — who was still convinced that he has only one more state left to visit since he has visited all 57 of the other states.  Anna “Helmet Head” Wintour rode Sarah Jessica “Horsehead” Parker into the three-ring circus while Nero fiddled in the background.

In an effort to fight the Republican’s “War Against Women” — generated by Democrats in response to the public’s dislike of the idea of a prestigious, private college law school student, Sandra Fluck,  demanding that the public pay for her contraception, President Urkel Kardashian joked “naughtily” that Ellen Degenerate complained that his wife — the First Lady Michelle Obama, “didn’t go all the way down.”  Classy act, our President.  Note to self:  investigate who is actually waging a war against women…


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The Tea Party Meets the The Coke Party

October 12, 2011
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The Left and its cheerleaders, the Main Stream Media, are dearly hoping the scruffy, pimply cesspool of humanity camping out on Wall Street will be the answer to the Tea Parties that spontaineously erupted around the country in response to the Democrat-lead, unprecedented growth of government and the bankrupting of our country.

The “Occupy Wall Street” crowd looks like the spoiled kids of the 1% pretending to be the 99% indulging their 60’s-era post-Hippy professors in recreating Woodstock.  In this case, instead of naked young hippies smoking pot and tripping on acid in a field of mud, we get young and over-the-hill hippies smoking pot and tripping on acid — which can only explain their signs — and defecating on police cars.  Meanwhile, down the block, NY sewer rats with clothes pins on their snouts are angrily protesting the stench and filth of the invading protesters who have mucked up their neighborhood.

(Question:  What’s the difference between a pencil and the Occupy Wall Street Crowd?  Answer:  one of them has a point.)

The contrast between the Tea Party and the Occupy Wall Street crowd can be summed up best by simple comparisons:  the Tea Party protestors show up for a few hours on their lunch hour or on their weekends because they have jobs; the Occupy Wall Street crowd arrive and camp for days going into weeks and no one in their lives apparently notices that they’re missing — needless to say, no employers miss them.  Within minutes after disbanding, the area occupied by the Tea Party protestors was left cleaner than it was when they arrived.  The area occupied by the Occupy Wall Street crowd is piling up with garbage — which sometimes is indistinguishable from the protestors themselves — and which the protestors expect others to clean up.  Lastly, the Tea Party protestors object to the bloated government intruding into individuals’ lives and liberties; the Occupy Wall Street gang openly advocates mob-rule and expects someone else to pick up the tab.


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