Justin Washington's Blog

Neapolitan and the Nigerian Knicker Bomber‏ | December 31, 2009

Separated at Birth?

Neapolitan is an Italian ice-cream with three flavors:  chocolate, vanilla and strawberry; Janet Napolitano is the Italian-American US Homeland Security Secretary with three flavors:  “the system worked,” “the system failed miserably” and another more subtle, nuanced flavor “the rules have been in place since 2006″,” i.e., “it’s Bush’s fault.”

Neapolitan Ice-Cream

After the Nigerian “Knicker Bomber” terrorist tried to blow up a plane en route to Detroit from Amsterdam on Christmas Day, Napolitano gave us all three flavors in rapidfire succession within a few days.  Shortly thereafter, law-abiding citizens were instructed to fly with their hands on their knees and nothing in their laps as their eyes turn yellow since all are forbidden to go to the toilet during the last hour of their flights.  In response to this misfit, radical Islamist attempting to light a bomb in the crotch of his Fruit-of-the-Looms, Homeland Security’s approach makes complete sense:  treat adult, law-abiding citizens like children.  I wonder if stewardesses are now serving cookies and milk during snack time for good behavior? 

Meanwhile two days later on 12/27/2009, another Nigerian locked himself into the lavatory and refused to respond to the crew,  causing the flight to be grounded.  Fortunately, the person in question was either truly sick (possibly from the cookies and milk or being treated like a child) or he was another terrorist with a luke-warm IQ who couldn’t figure out how to detonate his jock strap.

Napolitano with an American “Rightwing Extremist”


Earlier this year, Napolitano warned us all that US “right-wing groups” should be monitored as possible domestic terrorists. (According to an official document of the U.S. Department of Homeland Security, right-wing extremists include “groups and individuals that are dedicated to a single issue” or those “rejecting federal authority in favor of state or local authority;” this potentially makes anyone who opposes Obama’s policies a subject of suspicion.)  Personally, I feel so much safer knowing that Homeland Security is so focused on monitoring American, political opponents of the Obama administration’s policies rather than focusing on real terrorists…
Before we know it, we’ll have at least two lines at airport security:  one for conservatives/Republicans/tea-partiers who will have to endure complete strip searches, cavity probes, finger-printing, retina scans and a US marshall assigned to each and another line for foreign nationals, those with foreign student visas, those who have forgotten their passports and those carrying Korans and prayer rugs, shouting “death to the great Satan” who will be allowed to pass unmolested, accompanied by their own personal ACLU lawyers.  Have a nice flight…

Sources:  (1).  UPI.com for Napolitano quotes from CNN’s “State of the Union,” Sunday, 12/27/2009 and NBC’s “Today Show,” Monday, 12/28/2009;
(2).  “Rightwing Extremism:  Current Economic and Political Climate Fueling Resurgence in Radicalization and Recruitment,” Department of Homeland Security, dated April 7, 2009, p. 2.


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1 Comment »

  1. This is truly the most flattering photo of Janet Napolitano I’ve ever seen. Usually photos catch her coming out from under a bridge to eat children.

    Comment by Murph — January 1, 2010 @ 12:18 am

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