Justin Washington's Blog

“Ted Kennedy’s Massachusetts’ Senate Seat” Goes to a Republican Truck Owner

January 20, 2010
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Headline News: Scott Brown (r) came out of nowhere to surprise ACORN and  SEIU so quickly that they weren’t able to manufacture enough votes for Democrat Martha “Marcia” Coakley for the senate seat left vacant by Ted Kennedy (D) in Massachusetts tonight.

While Ted Kennedy’s seat is indeed a LARGE seat to fill, it was still a surprising upset — even Obama’s Facebook Friends and Twitter followers weren’t able to text in their votes for Obama’s girl in Massachusetts in time. Apparently, they were one digit off and voted for some contestant on “America’s Got Talented Biggest Loser.”

Evidently, the “Urkel” mystique has a shelf-life of avocadoes since every major Democrat candidate running for every office from governor to dog-catcher has lost after being endorsed by Obama which is surprising because he is the one afterall who sent tingles up the leg of Sissy Matthews of “Wiffle Ball with Chris Matthews” on MSNBC. Maybe, the Democrats should consider asking Pat Robertson of the 700 Club to campaign for their candidates instead of the One or at least ask Michelle Obama who has bigger guns…

Meanwhile, Nazi Pelosi, Democrat House Majority Leader, and Barney Frank, Democrat Schmuck and Schlemiel also from Massachusetts, are both stumping to ram the ObamaCare thermometer into the rectum of the American public regardless of whether they want it or not. And this from the party of CHOICE!

I guess there should be no choice unless it’s about abortion…

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From America’s First Black President to America’s Second Black President and Everything In Between: The Bookended Decade‏ (Part 3 of 3)

January 13, 2010
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Against the backdrop of the political insanity of the first decade of the 21st century, one would expect that most would have been eager for escapism and fantasy in their entertainment.  However, “reality tv” became a national obsession as well as a vehicle for those with a desire to obtain a moment’s celebrity.  Andy Warhol was more than generous when he predicted that everyone would get 15 minutes of fame.  Inflation has obviously taken its toll since it appears we have a huge supply of those hungering for fame for only 15 seconds rather than the full 15 minutes, predicted by Warhol.  

“Meet the Kardashians” is a prime example — I still have no idea who they are, let alone why anyone would want to meet them (actually only 2 reasons come to mind…).   I only know that the father of the clan was one of the attorneys responsible for helping OJ Simpson get away with the murder of his ex-wife and mother of his children as well as her young male friend Ron Goldman.  One of the Kardashian daughters and one of the “stars” of the show was arrested for a DUI and kicked off Trump’s “Apprentice” reality show when even Trump showed that he had his limits.  There was also a reality show involving some couple who are divorcing or who have already divorced with 8 — or is it 18 children?  They apparently are so talented and fascinating at something that they appear on every magazine cover in the supermarkets in 2009.

Octomom, a human petrie dish and incubator, had 8 children through artificial insemination — which based on some of her interviews and pictures leaves one very clear on the need for the “artificial” part of the insemination equation.


 
Twitter, Facebook and MySpace are all vehicles for the rest of the unwashed masses to have the opportunity to live in the limelight; exposing their secrets, likes/dislikes, etc. on the Internet are apparently “every man’s” answer to those who get their own reality television shows on cable.  I signed up for a Twitter account to see what it was all about and then shortly realized that I am not interested enough in my own life to “tweet” about it, so why would anyone else care to read when or where I have my next cup of coffee or my next bout of irritable bowel syndrome? 

At this  point, I am convinced that if I truly had earth-shattering information that affected all of humanity and posted it on Twitter, everyone else would be so busy writing about Fluffy, the cat, or how bad traffic is on the way to Rancho Cucamongo that my news would be quickly drowned out in the ocean of dreck and other useless Internet chatter.  (In defense of Twitter, however, its only worthwhile contribution was helping Iranian students and dissidents coordinate during their struggles to throw off the yokes of the radical Muslim clerics and mulahs during 2009.)
 
During this crazy decade, Blackberry phones became omnipresent, so much so that people started suffering cramped and paralyzed thumbs; addiction to texting became so commonplace that the Betty Ford Clinic had to establish a new wing for Crackberry junkies.  iPhones appeared and smug users bragged about how they could flip the phone and stretch on-line pictures of Paris Hilton, another “celebrity” known for — well, being well-known.  (Her parents must be so proud…)
 
What is well-known at the end of the first decade of the 21st century is that we are in for most interesting times; as Charles Dickens wrote, 

“It was the best of times, it was the worst of times; it was the age of wisdom, it was the age of foolishness.”

I don’t know about the “best of times” part but the foolishness part sounds right.  Personally, I am hoping that the end of the second decade of the 21st century ends with more substance and gravitas…

Source:  Charles Dickens, “A Tale of Two Cities.”


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From America’s First Black President to America’s Second Black President and Everything In Between: The Bookended Decade‏ (Part 2 of 3)

January 8, 2010
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By the time it was ready for the 2004 presidential election, the Democrats’ “every man’s” presidential candidate, John Forbes Kerry (aka “Lurch”) was not only Bush’s distant cousin but also his challenger for the White House.  (Whoever said inbreeding doesn’t result in odd genetic mutations?)  Lurch’s biggest claim to fame is that as an ambitious, young man, he served in Viet Nam for several months then spent the rest of his life as a professional politician — sort of like a ward of the state only with a nicer title and better perks. 

He was also the only known Viet Nam vet on record to have taken a movie camera with him into combat to record his heroics while on his tour of duty, footage of which would later come in handy for future political campaigns.   During his service, he received two purple hearts for injuries sustained in combat, the validity of which was later called into question by fellow Viet Nam vets who were called “Swift Boat Veterans for Truth” during the presidential campaign.  This group was so effective in changing public opinion that the term “swiftboating” became a part of the English lexicon; the anti-Kerry crowd used the term to describe getting the truth out about a political opponent thus crippling his chances of being elected while the pro-Kerry crowd — much to their chagrin — used the term in the exactly the same way. 
 
After he returned to the US, Lurch ran for senator from Taxachusetts, riding on a tidal wave of anti-war sentiment.  Kerry went so far as flamboyantly flipping his war medals over the fence of the White House with dramatic flourish to protest the war and then appeared with “Hanoi” Jane Fonda at an anti-war demonstration in 1970.   (This is before her Academy Award-Winning performance in Klute in 1971 in which she played a prostitute, so I suppose one could say she was just doing research for her character.  Kerry had no such excuse, on the other hand.)

On NBC’s Meet The Press in 1971, asked whether he had personally committed atrocities in Vietnam, Kerry responded:

“There are all kinds of atrocities, and I would have to say that, yes, yes, I committed the same kind of atrocities as thousands of other soldiers have committed… 

Kerry shouldn’t have been so hard on himself if by “atrocities” he meant bad acting in staged war home movies.

All of this occurred before he became a “kept-man,” marrying Teresa Heinz, widow of the enormously wealthy Republican US Senator Henry John Heinz III, scion of the Heinz Ketchup fortune.  (Talk about adding salt to Mr. Heinz’s wounds…)  If Ms. Heinz had wanted a “trophy husband,” one wonders if there were not someone more suitable and lighter on his feet than Lurch.


 
In summary, the only amusement to be had during this election cycle was watching Madame Ketchup hit the sauce before hitting the campaign trail.  Notwithstanding (but perhaps because of) this and the sideshow created by Lurch windsurfing in Spandex pants and failing to appear adequately manly in catching a football and appearing in strange bunny suits, Bush won by a wide margin which did not much please the mainstream media who liked to describe the voters as not being sophisticated or nuanced enough to have voted for a “European, cultured” figure like Lurch who was “for the war, before he was against it,” earning him the sobriquet of “presidential waffler” or “flip-flopper.” 

Meanwhile, after Gore’s ignominious defeat in 2000, Gore disappeared for a welcomed rest (at least it was for the American public).   Since nothing good lasts forever,  Gore reappeared like the political version of Jason returning from the dead in the latest sequel to “Friday the 13th.”  This time he had resurrected himself as the High Priestess of the Religion of Man-Made Global Warming and in short order went on to accept an Oscar for best “documentary” called “Inconvenient Truth” in which he “starred.”  “Inconvenient Truth” was in fact conveniently not the truth as we were to learn in late 2009, when the academic center for the collection of all the “global warming” drivel upon which the hype was based was hacked and emails released that showed that the scientists involved were more political operatives than they were real scientists.

This decade certainly continued to advance with amusing, sometimes ironic consequences…


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From America’s First Black President to America’s Second Black President and Everything In Between: The Bookended Decade‏ (Part 1 of 3)

January 5, 2010
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What a decade these first 10 years of the 21st century turned out to be, ending with a blue moon — literally, which happens on December 31st only every 19 or so years; I hope this turns out to be an auspicious occasion rather than a harbinger of more hard times ahead.  


 
We started the first decade with the clock ushering in the year 2000 as we partied like it was 1999 (because it was and not just because strange symbols formerly known as Prince said so); we were relieved primarily that the civilized world — such as it was — did not end due to Y2K fears, perpetrated primarily by companies seeking to drum up business for their nerdy programmers who in the 1990’s became unlikely “rock stars of business” during the Internet boom but more resembled rats deserting a sinking ship in the wake of the ensuing overhyped, overinflated Internet Dot Com balloon bust by 2000.  
 
Speaking of inflated balloons, 2000 was also the tailend, pardon the pun, of the presidency of William Jefferson Clinton, the second US President to ever be impeached as well as “our first Black president,” to quote American, Nobel and Pultzer-Prize winning author, Toni Morrison; Ms. Morrison also went on to say about Clinton that he was “Blacker than any actual black person who could ever be elected in our children’s lifetime.” Since less than 8 years later, the country would go on to elect Barack “Urkel” Obama, I guess “the children” to whom she referred were fruitflies with very short lives.  

Urkel

 
Our first Black president Clinton and our second Black president Urkel Obama bookended the presidency of our first Fratboy-in-Chief, George “W” Bush who just so happened to be the son of former president George Herbert Walker Bush who preceeded Clinton.  (The country is only thankful that Hillary wasn’t elected so we could break what appeared to be an emerging pattern:  Bush-Clinton-Bush-Clinton; with Bush’s brother, Jeb, in the wings, and Chelsey Clinton coming of age, how long could these two dynasties have continued to play leap frog in the White House?)

The Bush Dynasty

 Normally, a sitting vice-president has a decided advantage over his opponent during a presidential election, especially when that opponent is someone with the gravitas of George “W” Bush over whom the Democrat-sympathizing media ran roughshod.  However, Al Gore, Clinton’s vice-president and the 2000 Democratic presidential nominee, with all the warmth and personality of a stump was dealt a terrible hand:  in the 2000 election, he won the popular vote but lost the electoral votes to his challenger George “W” Bush.  Florida turned out to be the stage upon which foggy-headed Floridian seniors were so confused by their now notorious “butterfly ballots” that they inadvertently voted for Buchanan when they really meant to vote for Gore (or so goes the story).  The confusion is natural since Buchanan’s and Gore’s politics are as similiar as day is to night.

On election night, Gore conceded, but upon learning that he was a mere few hundred votes shy of winning, he un-conceded, and then promptly attempted to sue his way into the White House, holding the country hostage for several months as Lord VoldeGore unleashed his Death-Eaters in the form of demented attorneys on three cherry-picked counties in Florida.  Seemingly endless recounts ensued during which time, “chads” became a household term almost reminiscent of a new chapter of “Harry Plotter and the Chamber of Chads.”  (Despite what one may think, a “chad” is not someone who vacations in Key West during Spring Break but is instead a term used to describe the small, square bits of paper punched from ballots.)  

The Dark Lord Commanding Attorneys to Invade Florida in 2000

During this time, the world also learned from political pundits eager to see Gore elected that Democrat operatives, playing Karnack the Magician, had the supernatural power to divine what the true intent of an individual voter was by carefully peering at chads that were dangling, hanging, dimpled or even those eaten and ingested by hopeful Democrat polls.  Remarkably, the “true intent” of the questionable ballots always seemed to result in yet another Gore vote!  

Clearly another Gore vote...

 
Despite these machinations, Gore’s tally never exceeded Bush’s.  Consequently, the whole ordeal left a bad-taste in everyone’s mouth and a less than flattering impression of old people in the south of Florida and of all Americans by the rest of the world.  (Former US President Jimmy Carter was rumored to have suggested that the UN should send in official representatives to ensure the validity of US elections much like they do for other third-world banana republics.)
 
Eventually, there were so many lawsuits filed that it appeared we wouldn’t know who the “real winner” was until after his first term was up — 4 years later.  Finally, the lawsuits ended up in the laps of the US Supreme Court justices where two major decisions were made.  The most important of these decisions was not even close with a decision of 7-2, so it was the second, less important and more narrow decision (5-4) that is the one Gore supporters point to in declaring that Bush was “selected” by a “partisian” Supreme Court.
 
Basically, all of this meant that roughly half the country was angry that Gore lost to an imbecile who was born with a “silver foot in his mouth,” and the other half were relieved that the heir-apparent to all Clinton’s attendant impeachment/Chinese communist fund-raising/stained Lewinsky blue-dress dirty laundry was not elected.  This group would have voted for a wooden dummy over Gore, and the other half would say that’s exactly who was elected.

 
The country’s wounds had not yet healed when less than 9 months into the Bush presidency, 19 Muslim extremists hijacked 4 commercial jetliners on September 11, 2001 — a date that will be forever seared into our collective memories.  Two planes were flown into the Twin Towers in New York, one into the Pentagon but one destined for the White House was miraculously diverted and taken down in an empty field in Pennsylvania by several brave everyday Americans who fought back against the lunatic hijackers.  In all, almost 3,000 Americans and other civilians from over 90 nations were murdered in often gruesome circumstances such as jumping out of two of the tallest buildings in the world or risk being burned alive.
 
As a result, we ended up waging two wars against terrorism:  one in Afghanistan and one in Iraq.  From that point forward, Bush was regarded as having done the right thing by many or being called “Hitler” by others.  In the meantime, the media were eager to push microphones and cameras into the faces of any person who wanted to compare Bush to Hitler or the village idiot.  Those with ripened and developed intellects such as people who sing or dance or act or tell jokes for a living were thrust into the daily news with their sometimes teary/sometimes indignant tirades against Bush while their supporters in the media claimed how brave they were for standing up against Bush’s tyranny.  It became all the rage to show one’s “patriotism” by railing and ranting against Bush and against the US waging “illegitimate wars” against Afghanistan and, especially, Iraq where no WMD’s were found (perhaps if thousands of dead Iraqi Kurds could speak, they no doubt could attest to the fact the Sadam Hussein HAD some WMD’s up his sleeve at one point).  

However, after Obama was elected in 2008, those in the media had apparently changed their collective minds and decided that it was simple racism to dissent from or oppose Obama’s policies in anyway as well as just plain, well, “unAmerican.” 

It’s amazing what a few short years will do to one’s perspective…


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