Trump’s new reality television show is “Survivor: Trump in the Shark Tank”; the concept is simple: the RNC ties Trump’s hands as tightly as possible before the DNC pushes him into a tank full of media sharks while the audience munches popcorn, eyes transfixed to the ensuing maelstrom. Kim Jong Hill is the master of ceremonies and gleefully monitors the activity from a gurney overlooking the tank, narrating the action in between breaths of oxygen from a mask administered by Huma Abedin.
When Trump appears too close to escaping, Hillary speaks fluent Parseltongue to the sharks, whose eyes widen in excitement, as someone from Team Hillary throws in some fresh, bloody chum to stir the pot. Although on the endangered species list, the still deadly Great White (The New York Times), the AlphaBet-Soup Hammerheads, a new species arising from inter-breeding among ABC/CBS/NBC and even the once docile Nurse Shark, Fox News, which has decided to join the ranks of its more deadly brethren sharks, swarm the tank ready to keep the audience glued to their seats while simultaneously keeping attention off Hillary whose attendees hold umbrellas over Her Heinous to keep the pesky Wikileaks from drowning her; after all, anyone who has seen “The Wizard of Oz” knows the unfortunate outcome of what happens when the Wicked Witch gets wet.
After the release of the now infamous 11-year old tape in which Billy Bush from “Access Hollywood” is heard bantering with Trump about women’s nether regions failed to completely put an end to Trump’s campaign, Team Hillary threw in another piece of chum in this week’s episode: an accusation by another woman Jessica Leeds who has claimed Trump groped her 30-years ago in First Class on a flight — probably at that time destined for a Democrat Funding Raising Events where one assumes such events are considered passe and mundane. Now that Trump is no longer a Democrat and running as a Republican, the media sharks and Hillary swoon like Victorian ladies at such talk and actions. However, a little research which journalists were once accustomed to doing would turn up some interesting facts such as Ms. Leeds’ employment by none other than the Clinton Foundation and her close friendship with the Shark Whisperer herself Hillary Clinton. It appears that Jessica Leeds’ story doesn’t quite hold water.
So for now, Trump, nicked and wounded, appears to have survived another round of “Survivor: Trump in the Shark Tank”; the next episode could be even bloodier if Kim Jong Hill has any say in the matter.