After election day, 11/08/2016, Liberals spent the next several weeks in impotent rage that Kim Jong Hillary did not win the necessary electoral votes to assure her coronation on the Iron Throne. Leftists across the nation marched, torched buildings, filled their diapers and threw tantrums in every major city center in which Hillary actually won.
Once it became clear that the tantrums were not enough to force Trump to capitulate and cede the election to Hillary, Green Party candidate, Dr. Jill Stein, stepped forward to challenge the results of three crucial states that Trump barely won — Michigan, Wisconsin and Pennsylvania. Her battle cry was that the integrity of the elections was at stake and that she was pursuing the recounts “for the American people.” Of course, the integrity of the elections didn’t cause her to ask for recounts in states where Hillary barely won, just in states that Trump barely won.
In the meantime, Hillary was no where to be found — only occasionally, popping up like Big Foot sightings in cell phone pictures of random strangers who just so happened to bump into her while hiking through Fort Marcy Park; no doubt, Hillary was just scrounging around for an unused piece of real estate that could be used for shallow graves for the remaining dead bodies of fallen enemies and turncoats who always seem to fall like bread crumbs behind the Clintons where ever they skulk about.
When recount efforts resulted in net gains for Trump, efforts then focused on attempts to badger, cajole, threaten and otherwise intimate the individual electoral college delegates while the regular cast of DNC propagandists in the media breathlessly plotted possible long-shot opportunities to unseat President-Elect Trump and install Queen of the Gorgons, Hillary I, to her rightful place on the throne.
In a last ditch effort, celebrities Martin Sheen, father to Charlie “Winning” Sheen, and Debra Messing, best known as Grace Addled of “Will & Grace,” released a video tape, imploring delegates to “follow their consciences” and cast their votes for Hillary. In the end, Sheen and Messing ended up with egg on their faces as only two Trump delegates cast their votes for someone else while 5 Hillary delegates broke with tradition and voted for others, including one vote for Faith Spotted Eagle in Washington State — Chief Spreadin’ Bull Elizabeth “Faux-Chontas” Warren could not be reached for comment.
Overshadowing the entire process was the media incessantly squawking, chirping and twaddling about Russians hacking our election. It wasn’t clear if the Democrats were claiming that the Russians hacked into the DNC and released the emails made available through Wikileaks. Apparently, Democrats were upset that the Russian were trying to rig our election by exposing how Hillary rigged the primary election from Bernie Sanders. If Russia was so clever about rigging the election for Trump, they couldn’t explain why Hillary won the popular vote which was the result of a massive turn-out of dead voters and illegal aliens in the State of California, so it could be said that foreign entities did in fact sway the US elections.
Ironically, the Mainstream Media, aka the Ministry of DNC Propaganda, began to insist that any nonsense released by any source not sanctioned by said ministry was henceforth to be considered #FakeNews. This admonition comes from the same group that kept telling the US electorate that Trump had no chance of winning the presidency. Who knew gaslighting could be so much fun!
In the end, Trump won not once, not twice but three times: the election, the recount and an even wider margin of electoral college votes! As Trump crowed during the campaign, the American people will get tired of winning!
On the other hand, Hillary and her supporters will have to be satisfied with a Participation Trophy.
Dr. Jill Stein, Presidential Candidate of the Green Party, has started a fund drive to raise money to recount the ballots in three battleground states: Michigan, Wisconsin and Pennsylvania. She apparently thought the “green” in Green Party meant US currency; no one is sure why she wants a recount unless it is to find the 3 votes cast for her on November 8th. Suspiciously, Dr. Jill Stein only appears in public with Hillary, one on each of Soros’ bony knees.
Democrat Senator of Massachusetts, Chief Lie-awatha Elizabeth Warren is on the war path, promising to run down the Trump Train as it barrels through the Rust Belt, her tribe’s former ancestral hunting grounds; she promised to scalp Steve Bannon, Trump’s appointment as White House Chief Strategist, claiming that he supported “white nationalist” ideals as head of Breitbart. Meanwhile, Keith Ellison, a Muslim, anti-Semite and black separatist, appears to be the front-runner for top chief position of the DNC.
Apparently, Democrats interpreted Trump’s election as a further indication that the voting public want more Democrat collusion, cronyism and communism instead of less. Almost immediately after the election, Democrats in Congress voted to dust off Nazi Bela Lugosi Pelosi and release her from the crypt to lead them into a new era of bitterness and contention.
The Grim Reaper visited atheist Cuban Dictator Fidel Castro on the day after Thanksgiving, the first official day of Christmas shopping; ironically, Castro spent his life fighting the evils of capitalism then died on Black Friday, the day symbolizing the commercialization of a Christian holiday. Castro’s death left Leftists and Obama distraught; Michael Moore was doubly traumatized to learn that Michael “Jim” Delligatti, the inventor of the Big Mac, died a few days later. Moore was last seen at Trump Tower in Manhattan, dressed in a black circus tent sorrowfully petitioning for a national day of mourning, blaming Trump for the dual catastrophes.
Trump won. Hillary lost. Castro died. God Bless America.