Justin Washington's Blog

The First Presidential Debate: The Hill Has An Eye on Trump

A miracle of modern medical science took place at Hofstra University on Monday, September 26, 2016 when Democrat Presidential Candidate Hillary Rodram Clinton managed to stand for 90 minutes physically unaided and without losing a shoe in the process during her debate with Republican Presidential Candidate, Donald Trump.  (“Neutral” moderator Lester Holt, however, did manage a few verbal assists during the debate while Hillary’s phalanx of Secret Service physicians stood in the wings, armed with a case of Epipens, a motorized gurney and spare Depends should Hillary succumb to one of her catatonic states or one of her head-jerking seizures, which she passes off as a sort of retro punk-rock dance to attract Millennials.)

A cadre of Bill Clinton’s former paramours, those both willing and unwilling, were seated strategically in the audience shooting visual daggers at Bill Clinton’s sexual predator enabler, Hillary Clinton.  Completely nonplussed, Bill nodded off in the audience while visions of interns in blue dresses danced in his head as he contemplated whether he and the Hill would have to return the White House silver with which they absconded after slipping out the back door during the Gore v. Bush lawsuit back in 2000.

As the debates gathered steam, American college students scuttled about in search of  their cotton-ball lined, fluffy safe spaces while George Soros-funded agitators rioted in the streets insisting that certain lives matter while those of cops do not.

During the debates, freshly spackled and spray-painted Hillary demanded that Trump release his tax returns while Trump insisted that he had already emailed them to her earlier, probably no doubt intercepted by the Russians.  Apparently, right after Hillary reset Russia’s relation with the US, the Russians returned the favor by hacking into her email and resetting her password.   FBI Director Jame Comey later confirmed that Trump’s tax returns were part of the cache of Hillary’s 33,000 emails about yoga and her daughter’s Chelsea’s $10 Million Manhattan apartment, which also doubles as Hillary’s private medical laboratory where she has spare parts replaced.  The 33,000 emails are no longer available for review and were shredded and used as confetti at the DNC where Hillary was proclaimed Queen after Henchwoman Debbie Washerwoman Schultz summarily dispatched the contender to throne, the hapless Bernie Sanders, after which Bernie immediately retreated to one of his several homes, paid in cash, to live out the rest of his halcyon days in blissful socialism.

While practicing her baseball hand signals with “Neutral Moderator” Lester Holt,  Hillary threw the Donald a proverbial curve ball, accusing him of body-shaming former Miss Universe Alicia Machado from Venezuela — 20 years ago prior.  Trump appeared temporarily glassy-eyed and unable to speak — similar to one of Hillary’s “spells,” but regained his footing enough to babble something about her penchant for over-eating.

With the second presidential debates two weeks away, the Hill will be setting her other eye on the Donald.  Usually, by this point in the election cycle, the American public is normally jaded and can’t wait until the November election.  With this amount of drama and excitement, there’s a growing movement to extend the election cycle into a second season!

Game of Throne: The DNC Debates

There was a mysterious interruption in the DNC debates on Saturday, December 19, when Hillary Clinton did not return in a timely manner from the euphemistic Throne Room.  Reporters speculated that Hillary, Bill and Caitlin Jenner were having a proverbial pissing contest on a Bernie Sanders’ urinal  target.

The delay, however, was actually due to a group of college students who were emotionally agitated that their safe spot had been usurped by the candidates’ port-a-potty, and they were further aggrieved at having been microaggressed by the candidates’ hostile tone of voice and aggressive debate tactics.

Hillary became visibly annoyed after Sanders emerged victorious from the Throne Room to shouts of college students chanting, “Feel the Bern.”  She was further disgusted by the conditions left by Sanders when she discovered her poll numbers had clogged the plumbing.  Sanders responded that his socialist economic plan called for a mandatory tax of the 1% for one communal toilet for the 99%, centrally located in Washington, D.C.

To reduce carbon emissions and gas, one square of toilet paper, recycled from one print-out of the Omnibus spending bill, recently passed by Congress, would be provided for each visit and all reading material would be strictly prohibited to eliminate unnecessarily lengthy visits.

The DNC was later applauded for their handling of the DNC presidential debates by arranging a discreet time on the Saturday before Christmas to minimize attention drawn to the Democratic presidential candidates’ toilet visits.

Beirut on the Seine

In the aftermath of the terrorist attacks in Paris on Friday, Nov. 13, it has come to light that Brian Williams was actually on the ground reporting from all the physical attack locations in Paris simultaneously.  Apparently, Mr. Williams — slightly injured in the attacks — interviewed Hillary Clinton, and she stated that the cause of the attacks was a YouTube film.  When asked to identify which film, she said that that information was highly classified and contained on one of her personal file servers which has been temporarily misplaced.

Immediately after the 3 explosions outside the Stade de France where a soccer match between France and Germany was being held, the French team immediately surrendered to the German team where upon the German team felt an overwhelming need to march in a victory parade down the Champs Elysee.

Shortly after the attacks, Socialist President of France Hollande held a press conference and his immediate response was to increase France’s income tax from 95% to 100%; in order to appease the radical terrorists, Hollande has asked for a list of their demands.  The terrorists have 3 demands:  1.  all French cheese will be made from goat and camel milk only; 2.  no more pork sausages and Parisienne jambon will be produced; and 3. for those European Muslims who can’t make the annual pilgrimage to Mecca, the Eiffel Tower will be encased in a large black box to which they can pray.

Not to be outdone, President Obama reacted swiftly by arranging a Beer Summit at the White House with all the heads of the radical Islamic groups around the world during which he promised to bow to every head of state of every Muslim country and arrange for effigies of Republican leaders to be burned in protest.

Finally, as Beirut was once called the “Paris of the Mediterranean,” Paris will now be known as “Beirut on the Seine.”

Affordable Campaign Contribution Act: New Cash for Urkel Obama’s Re-Election Campaign

There is yet another “silver lining” of the recent Supreme Court decision to let Obamacare stand; Democrats are now able to and should pass a law stating that all Americans should contribute to Obama’s re-election campaign.  If Americans choose not to contribute, they will simply be taxed — or is the proper term “penalized”?  (Chief Justice Roberts to decide when he returns from vacation in Malta.)

The boon to Obama’s campaign coffers will be immeasurable, benefiting all Americans, of course.   Additional benefits of the Act would be an increase in employment since the US government will need to hire more IRS agents to insure compliance.  Of course, waivers will be issued to labor unions (since they already contribute all their campaign contributions to Democrats already); illegal aliens (since their votes for Democrats are guaranteed);  and the State of Nevada (for the simply reason that Democrat Harry Reid is their senator).

The better news is that the Act can be summarized in far fewer than 2,900 pages!

Nancy Pelosi, however, still insists that Congress will need to pass the bill before we can know what is in it.

Obamacare: Where All Pigs Are Equal But Some Pigs Get Waivers

Orwell was certainly prescient in “Animal Farm” when he invisioned a futuristic farm wherein the farm animals take over and establish democratic rule; unfortunately, the pigs in charge ultimately determine that while “all animals are equal … some are more equal than others.”

And, hence, we get Obamacare where everyone is taxed as a penalty for not carrying health insurance and also, ironically, where everyone is taxed anyway.  President Barak Urkel Obama pontificated that no one earning less than $250,000 would see a tax increase under his administration, then he and the Democrat controlled Congress and the Senate passed Obamacare under the cover of moral darkness and amid the vicissitudes of political corruption and cronism.  This was NOT a tax, the Democrats assured us — only it turns out that the Supreme Court just recently confirmed otherwise.

The Wall Street Journal’s Chief Economist figured that 75% of the cost of Obamacare will fall squarely on the backs of those making $150,000 or less per year — the last anyone checked $150,000 is less than $250,000 even to those who were taught “new math” at America’s prestigious public schools.

Her Highness Nancy Bela Lugosi Pelosi flying in on her Thai Stick from California’s Sodom By the Bay is now weighing in:  Obamacare is a penalty that falls under the tax code.  The White House Press Secretary spent 5 minutes trying to explain how the penalty is a penalty and not a tax.  Meanwhile, Baghdad Bob is still proclaiming that Iraq is winning the war and the American military is being crushed by Saddam Hussein‘s superior forces.

The mental gymnastics and contortions these people must perform to justify Obamacare would make Hitler’s Minister of Propaganda Goebbel’s blush.  Obamacare is now old enough, however, to begin to smell like rancid milk, and the American people are holding their collective noses.

Obamacare was supposed to be the magic bullet to our health care problems but instead it has caused many to begin dodging the bullet.  The question must be asked:  if Obamacare is so spectacular, why are so many companies and states asking for and getting waivers and exemptions from it?

So far, over 1,200 waivers have been issued, 20% of those to companies in Nazi Pelosi’s district alone, and at least one entire state, Nevada, Senate Majority Leader Dirty Harry Reid‘s state, has been exempted.  Not surprising, of course, Congress is also exempted.  Add labor unions and the various Obama-supporting corporations and you have a veritable menagerie of those who preached how wonderful it would be for all of us — apparently not for them.

Sources:

1.  http://www.humanevents.com/2012/06/30/wsj-chief-economist-75-of-obamacare-costs-will-fall-on-backs-of-those-making-less-than-120k-a-year/

2.    http://thehill.com/blogs/healthwatch/health-reform-implementation/202791-hhs-finalizes-more-than-1200-healthcare-waivers

3.  http://www.commentarymagazine.com/2011/05/18/pelosi-district-gives-20-percent-of-obamacare-waiver/

ZombieCare: It Lives!

Today, Chief Justice Roberts had the ability to put the stake through the heart of the 3,000 page Obamacare excrement foisted upon us by the likes of Nazi Pelosi, Dirty Harry Reid and Urkel Obamao, and he failed — miserably, so Obamacare pops back up to haunt and terrorize us again.  Joining Sonia “The Wise Latina” Sotomeyor, Elena Kagan and Ruth Buzzie Ginsburg, Chief Justice Roberts wrote the majority opinion that stated that the mandate was really — a tax.  Obama, Pelosi and Reid and their bands of flying monkeys swore up one side and down the other that Obamacare was NOT a tax.  But then again, this administration was supposed to be the most transparent in history, then proceeded to cram a 3,000-page bill without allowing Americans to read and digest it then passed it without one Republican vote while all the while insisting that a mandate was not a tax when in fact it is — not only a tax but the biggest tax increase in the history of the country.  Of course, a huge tax increase is exactly what the country needs to further depress the economy.

At least, Chief Justic Roberts got one thing right and reminded us all of our individual responsibilities and that elections matter:

“[These] decisions are entrusted to our Nation’s elected leaders, who can be thrown out of office if the people disagree with them. It is not our job to protect the people from the consequences of their political choices.”

It’s the US voters who need to drive that final stake into the heart of this monstrosity and the light-in-the-loafers, air-headed, collectivist meddlers who created it.

In the meantime, we have this to look foward to:

ZombieCare: It Lives!

Today, Chief Justice Roberts had the ability to put the stake through the heart of the 3,000 page Obamacare execrement foisted upon us by the likes of Nazi Pelosi, Dirty Harry Reid and Urkel Obamao, and he failed — miserably, so Obamacare pops back up to haunt and terrorize us again.  Joining Sonya “The Wise Latina” Sotomeyor, Elena Kagan and Ruth Buzzie Ginsburg, Chief Justice Roberts wrote the majority opinion that stated that the mandate was really — a tax.  Obama, Pelosi and Reid and their bands of flying monkeys swore up one side and down the other that Obamacare was NOT a tax.  But then again, this administration was supposed to be the most transparent in history, then proceeded to cram a 3,000-page bill without allowing Americans to read and digest it then passed it without one Republican vote while all the while insisting that a mandate was not a tax when in fact it is — not only a tax but the biggest tax increase in the history of the country.  Of course, a huge tax increase is exactly what the country needs to further depress the economy.

At least, Chief Justic Roberts got one thing right and reminded us all of our individual responsibilities and that elections matter:

“[These] decisions are entrusted to our Nation’s elected leaders, who can be thrown out of office if the people disagree with them. It is not our job to protect the people from the consequences of their political choices.”

 It’s the US voters who need to drive that stake into the heart of this monstrosity.

Wisconsin: Cheeseheads vs. Knuckleheads

Tuesday, June 5, 2012, Scott Walker survived a recall election instigated by a swarm of angry Democrats and their overlords — organized Union thugs.  Despite the DNC’s dumping millions of dollars into an effort to recall Governor Scott Walker for doing what he promised he would do — that is:  balance the budget — and that paragon of liberal virtue, Bill “Lewinsky” Clinton, pounding the pavement (as it were), Scott Walker prevailed — despite being a Republican in a state known as the People’s Republic of Cheeseheads.

Since then, Barack “Urkel Kardashian” Obama has raised millions of dollars from Hollywood’s intellectual elites; Cher was recently seen propped up in the corner of yesterday’s fundraiser in Los Angeles with the help of several assistants who mistook her lack of breath for breathlessness in the presence of the Telepromtor-in-Chief — who was still convinced that he has only one more state left to visit since he has visited all 57 of the other states.  Anna “Helmet Head” Wintour rode Sarah Jessica “Horsehead” Parker into the three-ring circus while Nero fiddled in the background.

In an effort to fight the Republican’s “War Against Women” — generated by Democrats in response to the public’s dislike of the idea of a prestigious, private college law school student, Sandra Fluck,  demanding that the public pay for her contraception, President Urkel Kardashian joked “naughtily” that Ellen Degenerate complained that his wife — the First Lady Michelle Obama, “didn’t go all the way down.”  Classy act, our President.  Note to self:  investigate who is actually waging a war against women…